Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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