just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
A bitchslap is in order.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
