The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
