Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
