Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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