i already hear my dad disowning me
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
