My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Pappa wants mamma naked
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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