Betty ford says i'm here all night
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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