Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
