last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
what day is it and did you see me today?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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