Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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