the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
