listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
