christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
