I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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