True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
