I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
