I think scott just propositioned me for sex
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
