Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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