I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
