I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
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Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
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Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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