the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
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bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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