sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
