i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
