I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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