Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
