So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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