they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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