you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Rumble strips road head = magical
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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