My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
