You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i can't believe i had my finger in that
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
