i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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