Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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