I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
