Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
