is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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