Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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