you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Everyone says I win the strip club
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
