I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
