so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
