Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
