Tell her she can't have a vagina
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
