ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
