The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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