She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
