I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
