i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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