??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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