He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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