I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
