Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
