how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
