i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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