He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
