he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
