remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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