I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
