I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
where are my eyebrows?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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