I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
