I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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