I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
