im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
