My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm really into asian looking animals
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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