This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
