My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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