Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
