One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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