We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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