We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
