Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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