you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
