Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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