State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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