remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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